She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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