come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
