And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
