Kiss
Puke
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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