i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
