Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
