Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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