dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
