And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this boner is exhausting
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
