Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
