I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
