I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
