her vagina looked like bernie madoff
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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