Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
