I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
