The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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