I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
