I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize