There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
