how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
