i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
thus making me awesome and them whores
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
