my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
