I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
