Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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