holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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