The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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