This girl is more easily done than said...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
