I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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