That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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