Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
