Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
