I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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