I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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