You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
