Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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