Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
