It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Randomize
