he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
