Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
