I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
