this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
