Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
