the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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