I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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