'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
