Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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