I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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