I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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