butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
