when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
