I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Drake has all the answers
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
