My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
