My cat gives me a boner
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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