Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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