and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
