true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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