you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
