turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
