She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
