it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
