WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
