I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
why didn't you poke me back
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize