Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
