we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
did you just send me my own nude
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
