Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
