I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize